What Do I Want!?
Despite the fact that I recently received my A.A. degree (YAY) and am on my way to getting my B.A. (another YAY), I have recently come to the conclusion that, on the whole, I still don't know what I truly want.
I stop and think, "I could be a broadcast or print journalist, or possibly a columnist," and it feels right, and then I go talk with my therapist and observe how she tries to help me out, and I figure, "I could SO do this for other people."
First off, I know I really need to learn to drive. It's an important step in my maturation as an adult that I need to take. Believe me, I'm fully aware of that. But also, what's scary is that the issue is that, once I can drive, where do I go? It could be anywhere, for anything. Where do I work? What do I devote myself fully to?
Was I born to inform, to care, or both?
Another thing that's been on my mind is how eager I am to finish my summer class. I know I'd been DYING to take Elem. French II since I started at Valencia, however, the fact that there are only 3 serious students that remain and the prof is depressed makes ME depressed about it. (It tends to be contagious!) I mean, I don't want to be in a class where there's no point in discussing anything.
As if THAT weren't enough, I no longer enjoy being on campus as much as I used to, because everybody knows me, and yet it feels as if nobody really does. Am I making any sense? What I mean is, yes, the administrators and employees there are all nice to me (maybe TOO nice!), but instead of asking me how my journalism/psychology studies are going, or if I've written anything lately, they ask me (almost reproachfully) how come I didn't tell them before I that I can walk? "Because I saw you at graduation and I was blown away?" "Yeah, I really wish I could give YOU a blow to the HEAD right now for being so damn ignorant." They think that I actually have the obligation to provide them with my entire health history as if that's any of their business. The truth is, it seems as if right now, all my efforts to get ahead in life are being overlooked. Geez, if I had really known that all these idiots care about is not my GPA but whether I can walk or not, I would have spent those seemingly endless two-and-a-half years perfecting my runway walk instead of hitting the books!! But nobody told me that before.
Okay, it's obvious that I have a ton of unresolved issues with myself that I've just gotten out in the open. But before you put me back in the straight-jacket, ask yourself this: Isn't greatness truly what everyone wants to achieve, whether conscious of it or not? Wouldn't you rather be seen for your abilities than being constantly reminded of how difficult things have been for you and how damn lucky you should feel for not being bedridden or dead?
Isn't it a little, um, ungracious of them to keep reminding ME that I should be grateful, when they're the ones that could run a 10K or ride a bike or rollerblade? Is it too much to ask that these idiots just leave me the hell alone!?!?!?
Peace & God Bless,
~Laura~
Despite the fact that I recently received my A.A. degree (YAY) and am on my way to getting my B.A. (another YAY), I have recently come to the conclusion that, on the whole, I still don't know what I truly want.
I stop and think, "I could be a broadcast or print journalist, or possibly a columnist," and it feels right, and then I go talk with my therapist and observe how she tries to help me out, and I figure, "I could SO do this for other people."
First off, I know I really need to learn to drive. It's an important step in my maturation as an adult that I need to take. Believe me, I'm fully aware of that. But also, what's scary is that the issue is that, once I can drive, where do I go? It could be anywhere, for anything. Where do I work? What do I devote myself fully to?
Was I born to inform, to care, or both?
Another thing that's been on my mind is how eager I am to finish my summer class. I know I'd been DYING to take Elem. French II since I started at Valencia, however, the fact that there are only 3 serious students that remain and the prof is depressed makes ME depressed about it. (It tends to be contagious!) I mean, I don't want to be in a class where there's no point in discussing anything.
As if THAT weren't enough, I no longer enjoy being on campus as much as I used to, because everybody knows me, and yet it feels as if nobody really does. Am I making any sense? What I mean is, yes, the administrators and employees there are all nice to me (maybe TOO nice!), but instead of asking me how my journalism/psychology studies are going, or if I've written anything lately, they ask me (almost reproachfully) how come I didn't tell them before I that I can walk? "Because I saw you at graduation and I was blown away?" "Yeah, I really wish I could give YOU a blow to the HEAD right now for being so damn ignorant." They think that I actually have the obligation to provide them with my entire health history as if that's any of their business. The truth is, it seems as if right now, all my efforts to get ahead in life are being overlooked. Geez, if I had really known that all these idiots care about is not my GPA but whether I can walk or not, I would have spent those seemingly endless two-and-a-half years perfecting my runway walk instead of hitting the books!! But nobody told me that before.
Okay, it's obvious that I have a ton of unresolved issues with myself that I've just gotten out in the open. But before you put me back in the straight-jacket, ask yourself this: Isn't greatness truly what everyone wants to achieve, whether conscious of it or not? Wouldn't you rather be seen for your abilities than being constantly reminded of how difficult things have been for you and how damn lucky you should feel for not being bedridden or dead?
Isn't it a little, um, ungracious of them to keep reminding ME that I should be grateful, when they're the ones that could run a 10K or ride a bike or rollerblade? Is it too much to ask that these idiots just leave me the hell alone!?!?!?
Peace & God Bless,
~Laura~
posted by Laurita | 9:30 AM
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